Communication and Conflict Management

This section includes resources to help you engage in common conflict situations more effectively by building your fundamental conflict management skills.

Managing Conflict and Difficult Conversations

“Too much agreement kills a chat.”
-Eldridge Cleaver

If you would like assistance on how to approach a difficult conversation, please consider contacting us in the Office of the Ombuds for a confidential consultation.

Difficult conversations often involve individuals who hold different opinions, perspectives, or values about a non-trivial or sensitive matter, and who may fear having to deal with fear, anger, frustration, or other strong emotions.

Difficult conversations can be a challenge to get through, and you may feel ill-equipped to handle them in a way that brings about positive outcomes. You may be inclined to avoid having a conversation in hope that the matter will resolve on its own. Unfortunately, delay often causes conflict situations to escalate or draw in more people.

We believe that approaching difficult conversations thoughtfully and with intentionality can be the route to maintaining trusting and effective relationships and managing a conflict situation effectively.

As ombuds, we can help you prepare for your difficult conversation. Our approach includes helping you reflect on a host of issues that can help you navigate the situation successfully. For example, we can help you clarify: the issue(s) you need to address; any concerns you have about initiating the conversation; the skills you need to use; the approach and mindset you want to bring; and the outcomes you seek.

Following is a list of resources on difficult conversations. Included are links to fundamental skills and tips, as well as to broader concepts of social healing and civil discourse.

Elements of an Effective Apology (Marsha Wagner)
We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations (Judy Ringer)
Techniques for Active Listening (Media Education Foundation)
How To Have Difficult Conversations at Work. (Forbes)
7 Tips for Getting Through Difficult Conversations (Psychology Today)
The Better Conversations Guide (On Being)
Guidelines for Asking Honest, Open Questions (Teachings For Elders)
The Difficult Conversation Revisited (Judy Ringer)

Feedback Conversations

Apology

“The result of the apology process, ideally, is the reconciliation and restoration of broken relationships.”
-Aaron Lazare, On Apology

When offered appropriately and with empathy and sincerity, apology can be an important part of a conflict management process. While there is no simple recipe, there are some ingredients that are common to most effective apologies.

Offering an apology means, in part, accepting responsibility for the harm caused and communicating regret for that harm. For an apology to be effective, it must be worded in a way that reflects a sincere intention to both understand the harm caused by one’s actions and take ownership for it. Some apologies call for a promise that the offense will not recur, others for some form of reparation.

Genuine apology typically requires deep reflection, and a willingness to admit error. This can be challenging, especially in a workplace where the climate is one of fear or “zero tolerance” for error, or that inspires competition over collaboration and communication within its units.

Apology can certainly reduce tension in hostile work climates and between people in conflict. But it is not a tool to evade responsibility or uncomfortable situations. Delivered appropriately and with empathy, however, an apology can create opportunities for understanding and dialogue, and provide a foundation for restoring damaged relationships and improved workplace climate and morale.

The links on this page include articles on the fundamentals of effective apology.

Elements of an Effective Apology (Martha Wagner)
Apology in Medical Practice: An Emerging Clinical Skill; Aaron Lazare, MD (Jama Network)
Six Ingredients of an Effective Apology (Tammy Lenski)
The Future of Apologies, by Aaron Lazare (New England Journal of Public Policy, October 2006)
What Constitutes an Apology? (Harvard Program on Negotiation)

Constructive Dialogue

Essential Partners –Resources for dialogue. Essential Partners, formerly called the Public Conversations Project, was founded in Cambridge, MA.
What is Dialogue (Journal of Ecumenical Studies) – Similar to the above article, but deeper with the what, who, when, and why questions
Understanding Dialogue (University of Victoria BC) – concepts on what is dialogue, how to nurture it, deliberate, and its differences with debating
11 Ways to Foster Dialogue and Understanding on Campus (California Berkeley) – Why campuses are divided and what can be done
Basics of Dialogue Facilitation (Berghof Foundation) A non-governmental organization supporting people in conflict in their efforts to achieve sustainable peace through conflict transformation and and peace building (the download is free).
Constructive Dialogue Institute takes a “systems change approach to help you transform your campus into a learning environment that supports free expression, inclusion, and belonging.”
Essential Partners “collaborates with civic groups, schools, faith communities, colleges, and organizations to build a culture of connection, a deeper sense of belonging, as well as mutual understanding and trust across differences of values, beliefs, and identities.
Conversation.us is a “national nonpartisan campaign to bridge political, social, and cultural divides in America.
Listen First Project “Listen First Project elevates the impact of the movement to bridge divides in America. We connect the efforts of 500 Listen First Coalition partners bringing people together across divides. We manage national campaigns and strategies for social cohesion. Listen First Project is the backbone organization for collective impact to save our country from breaking apart.
Braver Angels —“Braver Angels is leading the nation’s largest cross-partisan, volunteer-led movement to bridge the partisan divide for the good of our democratic republic. Coming out of the election, we’re bringing together “We the People” to find a hopeful alternative to toxic politics. The American Hope campaign is equipping Americans across the political spectrum to work together and demand the same of politicians from both parties.”

Listening

Difficult Campus and Classroom Conversations

Classrooms are places for discovery, yet sometimes the conversations that lead to discovery can be fraught and discomforting. There are ways to help students and instructors navigate difficult conversations or simply make their classroom or learning space a more welcoming environments for students to think, reflect, and collaborate. The resources below contain everything from targeted tips on how to proceed when you suspect a conversation might be difficult for students (or for yourself), to educating people about why certain conversations may quickly escalate, to simply creating a space more constructive to purposeful conversation. These resources will help you better prepare yourself for whatever comes up in your classroom or on your campus.

Megan Sullivan
Faculty Director, Inclusive Pedagogy Initiative
Associate Professor of Rhetoric
Boston University
msullvan@bu.edu

How to Have Hard Conversations on College Campuses (Berkeley Greater Good Magazine)
- Examines a course designed to build campus dialogue.
Teaching Into Conflict (Inside Higher Ed)
- Firsthand account by a faculty member who taught a difficult topic in a gender studies course.
Guidelines for Discussing Difficult or High Stakes Topics (UMich Center for Research on Learning and Teaching)
- good overview of how you can structure classroom dialogue for maximum effect. The focus recognizes that certain topics may be necessary but difficult for students to engage in and provides step-by-step instructions for faculty.
How to Help Students Manage Conflict in Conversation (Difficult Dialogues National Resource Center)
- This is a presentation by an educator and administrator on the benefits of listening to others and understanding the science of how our brains operate.
The Dialogic Classroom (Essential Partners Higher Ed)
- Specific approach which may be appropriate for some instructors. It assumes a commitment to the approach throughout the instructor’s pedagogy. This document was prepared by Essential Partners, a Cambridge, MA group that helps universities, churches, and communities develop strategies to engage in intentional dialogue.
Asking Questions about Specific Events (Living Room Conversations)
- Inspired by the pandemic and racial unrest, it is a targeted set of questions that may or may not be appropriate for all classrooms. for some instructors interested in a more hands-on activity. AWBW trains people to use art to address trauma.
Navigating Difficult Dialogues in the Classroom – A Student Perspective (University of Iowa Center of Teaching)
- Short but interesting article written by students.
Managing Difficult Classroom Discussions (Center for Innovative Teaching and Learning, Indiana University Bloomington)
Difficult Conversations in the Classroom (Yale Poorvu Center for Teaching and Learning)
Ground Rules: Examples & Resources (University of Maryland, Baltimore County)
Guidelines for Deliberation (Brown University Choices Program)
Ground Rules for In-Class Discussions, (University of Vermont)
Establishing Community Agreements and Classroom Norms, (Cornell University Center for Teaching Innovation)