Using Your Voice
Our Voice Our Choice
Together, we will make a safer BU. Whether you’re an ally or survivor, there are resources available to you.
Be An Ally:
Using Your Voice to Prevent Sexual Misconduct
In the moment you can address harmful behaviors by being an active bystander. Active bystanders notice when something isn’t right and decide to take positive and proactive steps to ensure our community is safer. If you’re ever in a situation where you’re concerned about the safety of others try using the “4-Ds of Bystander Intervention” to make a positive impact.
- Direct
- Distract
- Delegate
- Delay
Learn More: If you want to develop your skills to be an active bystander, visit the SARP website for training opportunities and other resources.
Using Your Voice to Support Survivors
(click here to jump to survivor resources)
Hearing about someone’s experience with sexual misconduct can be difficult. You may be concerned about saying the right thing or how to make sure they get the help they need. As an ally your voice has the power to help.
Here are a few things you might say to someone who has told you about sexual misconduct:
“I believe you”
“I’m here for you”
“I know about some resources that can help you”
“Is there anything you think I can do to help?”
“I’m sorry that happened to you”
Using the acronym S.E.E.K. is a useful tool that can help you be better prepared when someone tells you about sexual misconduct they’ve experienced. S.E.E.K stands for safety, empathy, empowerment, and knowledge. This framework was originally developed to prepare mandated reporters (e.g. professors, administrators, R.A.s) for what to expect if they were supporting someone who disclosed sexual violence to them. By reviewing this tool mandated reporters were better equipped to respond to survivors in crisis and survivors were positioned to make empowered decisions after disclosing to the mandated reporters. Below is an abridged version of the tool that you can review to be better prepared if someone shares their experience with you.
SEEK is adapted from the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center How to Support a Survivor Training
Safety
- Address their physical or emotional well-being. Take a moment to ask them if there is anything that you can do to make them feel safer in the moment. It’s ok to share your concerns about their safety, but do not pressure them to make decisions they do not want to.
- Confidentiality: This is a legal term and only specific people on campus can keep information confidential.
- If you are a mandated reporter, you cannot promise confidentiality. It is important to let the student know that you must report if they share. Regardless, you should still share confidential resources (e.g., SARP) with the survivor. Visit the EOO website for a list of the confidential resources on campus and your role as a responsible employee.
- If you are a fellow student, you can support a survivor by directing them to confidential resources (e.g., SARP) on campus that can help them make informed decisions about next steps. Visit the EOO website for a list of the confidential resources on campus.
- Privacy:
- Even if you are not a confidential resource, you should always strive to keep information as private as possible.
- Mandated reporters must report. Be sure to tell the survivor exactly what that means for your role.
- Fellow students hearing information about sexual misconduct do not have to report. You should be respectful and not share what you’ve heard with others unless the survivor asks you to. If you have concerns about the survivor’s safety and believe it is important for you to get additional support, let the survivor know why you are doing this and who you will reach out to. If there is not an immediate safety concern, we recommend connecting with SARP as a confidential resource to get guidance on next steps.
When a survivor is sharing their experience with you make sure you are in a space where others cannot overhear, choose a quiet space out of earshot. If you are in an office or room, ask them if it is ok to close the door.
Empathy
- Believe them. It is important for survivors to know that when they share their experience, there will be people there to support them. Simply thanking them for sharing their experience and showing you believe them can be a gesture of support and show them it’s okay to ask for help. Your response to the survivor can impact the care they choose to seek, be kind and careful with your words.
Put yourself in their shoes. In this short animated video, Brene Brown shares a helpful message about empathy vs. sympathy that gives insight into how you can show understanding and make them feel less alone in what they’re going through.
Empowerment
- Let the survivor decide what to talk about. Don’t ask for details or pressure them to share more. It can even be helpful to tell them that you don’t need to hear the details of their experience to be supportive.
- Normalize their reactions. There is no right way to react as a survivor of sexual violence. There are several myths about how someone should respond that often place blame or doubt on the survivor. Do not reinforce these ideas. To learn more about how someone might respond during an experience with sexual violence watch these three videos by Jim Hopper, an expert trauma psychologist.
- Provide options. If you have knowledge about resources explain what is available to them. Refer to the confidential resource list from EOO.
Be respectful of their decisions. Sometimes when we’re concerned about someone’s wellbeing, we start to tell them what to do or what we think is best instead of leaving space for them to tell us what they want and need.
Knowledge
- Know your role and know the resources. As previously mentioned, if you are a responsible employee, you must report if the student shares that they have experienced sexual misconduct. Regardless of role, we’re all responsible for making sure we don’t overstep. You do not need to act as the investigator or therapist when supporting a survivor. When in doubt direct them to SARP as a confidential resource to help with next step.
Learn More: Deepen your knowledge and build your capacity to respond to survivors by exploring the SARP website.
Survivor Resources:
Using Your Voice to Get Support
Choosing to share about your experience with sexual misconduct can be hard. How you share and with whom you choose to share is your decision. Under survivor voice you can find empowering resources from survivors and allies that chose to use their voice.
If you want confidential support regarding your experience you can make an appointment with one of SARP’s crisis counselors. SARP counselors are specifically trained to help survivors of interpersonal trauma.
If you are interested in reporting you can anonymously report using the incident report form or talk to a responsible employee.
Survivor Voice
- Resilience
- It’s Not Your Fault – Fight, Flight, Freeze Response. To learn more about how the body might respond to sexual violence watch these three videos from Jim Hopper, a trauma psychologist.
- Empowering Reads
- SARP ambassadors have created a list of reads related to sexual and interpersonal violence. On this list you will find pieces authored by survivors in which they share about their healing journey. Remember healing is not linear and no one’s path to healing is exactly the same as another. Stay tuned for a link to this list in the near future.
- Additional resources
- Visit the SARP website to see information that may be helpful to your survivor journey. You can also follow the SARP Instagram or sign up for the newsletter for up-to-date information.