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Summer 2013

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When it comes to dating, this generation of college students is writing its own rules, and often deleting them as quickly as they are written. Bulldozed by social media, buffeted by changing attitudes, today’s dating landscape can be a baffling place, and BU is in some ways more confusing than most.

According to a survey conducted last winter by the daily news site BU Today and answered by more than 4,000 students, it’s not always clear that a date is a date, it’s hard to know when a relationship is a relationship, and the best clue to the true nature of an invitation is often the time of day (or night) that it’s issued. (Male and female students agree that any suggestion to get together that arrives after midnight can be construed as a “booty call.” Students of other gender identities put the demarcation at 10 p.m.)

The nonscientific survey, which asked about such things as what constitutes a date and the usefulness of social media, tells us much about the dating preferences of students on the Charles River Campus. Looks are less important than personality, a group date is not a real date, and online dating sites are creepy.

Stacking the odds

16,624 undergraduates
9,935 females
6,689 males
one lopsided dating game

Stacking the odds

16,624 undergraduates
9,935 females
6,689 males
one lopsided dating game

College, it turns out, also happens to be a wake-up call: 48.4 percent of female respondents say their love life has been disappointing. Popular wisdom blames that frustration on BU’s lopsided female-to-male undergraduate ratio—9,935 to 6,689 last year—but in fact, the ratio is similar at most colleges across the country.

HE SAID: BU’s gender imbalance drives women to “preemptively search other schools for boyfriends, leaving very datable guys at BU single.”
SHE SAID: “Male students are well aware of their advantage and would rather opt for casual sexual encounters.”
happy? 50.6% of males reported having ”realistic expectations” of their love life when they came to BU.

When is sex okay, anyway?

Guess how different gender identities at BU voted by dragging the bars. Then, click the button to see the survey results.
Sex is okay anytime
Only in a serious relationship
50%
50%
Drag Bar to Guess
How Males Responded
50%
50%
Drag Bar to Guess
How Females Responded
50%
50%
Drag Bar to Guess How
Other Identities Responded
Males
Females
Others

Curiously, the survey shows that the generation that studies, plays, and meets online has the best luck meeting love interests the old-fashioned way: through friends, around campus, in classes, and at parties. The preferred method of asking or being asked out is in person, by a wide margin.

And what, exactly, is a date these days? Is it hanging out together? Can a group going out together be a date? Apparently not: most students believe it is a date only “as long as it’s the two of us.”

Is it a relationship yet?

After the first date: 1.1%
After you sleep together: 5.2%
After three or four dates: 17.2%
When you get feelings of jealousy: 19.2%
When someone formally asks: 72.3%

Not finding what you’re after?

78.4%

of students reported that they want companionship, but

88.4%

said there is a greater emphasis on hooking up than on actual dating in college.

42.4%
Disappointing
44.9%
What I Expected
15.9%
Awesome
25.2%
After 10 P.M.
61%
After 12 A.M.
34.5%
after 2 A.M.

Finding the one

60.1% of those surveyed have
been in a relationship of six
months or more.
60.1% of those surveyed have
been in a relationship of six
months or more.

Good news: nothing is impossible

86.4%
see themselves getting married
9.1%
said nope
“It’s college. You hook up a lot and maybe you’ll find someone you’ll fall in love with.”
Still, it’s not always easy

5% of respondents are waiting for their home state to recognize same-sex marriage.

What makes someone attractive?

Drag and drop traits in order of most to least important. Then, click the button to compare your answer with the survey results.
  • Looks
  • Personality
  • Humor
  • Same Interests
  • Same Culture/Religion
You said
Males
Females
Others

What is the best way to find a partner?

59.7% Through friends
22.2% Campus
28.6% Classes
26.7% Parties
13.1% Other colleges
10.2% Bars
9.3% Online
Why not try online dating?
  • 42.6% said no way they’ll try it—it’s too creepy.
  • 36.3% said they may try it someday.
  • 12.5% said they have tried it, but they’re keeping that to themselves.
  • 8.9% said they are big fans.
“It’s easy to see attractive people as you walk down Comm Ave, but the chances of ever seeing that person again are very low.”

The BU guide to date-iquette

1,641 of 2,283 students said
it’s not the activity that makes a
date a date; it’s that the two of
you are alone with each other.
1,641 of 2,283 students said
it’s not the activity that makes a
date a date; it’s that the two of
you are alone with each other.
Issue 1: Getting the date
Do it in person

Times may have changed, but 9 out of 10 students still prefer the direct, face-to-face approach when it comes to asking or being asked out.

Not recommended: Tweeting

Only 1% of students said that they’re okay with this little bird asking what they’re up to next Friday night.

Issue 2: Playing social media Sherlock
Remember, you are what you virtually are

40% of those surveyed admitted to a quick glance at Facebook profiles, just a hair more than the 35% who said they peruse Facebook “more than I care to admit.”

Issue 3: Picking up the bill
Who pays?

61% of males said they should pay; female responses fell into three (just about even) categories: split the bill, girls should pick up the tab, and leave it to the guy; and 76% of other gender identities said split the bill equally. Everyone agreed: do not expect the girl to pay.

Hot or not?

Has social media taken the romance out of romance?

YES
41.9%
NO
59.8%